Happiness is an inside job

Hey there! In this episode, I'm just gonna chat about something super important: happiness!

I spill the tea on why happiness isn't something you find in fancy cars, big houses, or Instagram likes. It really truly comes from deep within you. I jabber on about my own stories and share nuggets of wisdom what I've learned about true joy and fulfillment.

Happiness is a choice we make every day.

Follow my art talks here @shanarecker_art

00:00 Introduction and Welcome Back

00:07 The Concept of Happiness as an Inside Job

00:17 Exploring Happiness through Art and Instagram Reels

01:01 The Misconception of External Factors Bringing Happiness

02:31 The Role of Relationships in Our Happiness

05:08 The Illusion of Happiness through Success and Money

10:59 The Temporary Joy of Buying Things

14:11 The Power of Gratitude in Cultivating Happiness

20:35 Conclusion: The Inside Game of Happiness

23:28 The Importance of Doing What You Love

24:16 Final Thoughts and Farewell

Transcript

Shana: 0:00

Hey, everyone. Welcome back to how it's really going with Shana Recker and I know it's been a bit, but life has been a little bit hectic. But I'm here and I'm excited to talk about the topic of happiness. And how happiness is, what I believe is an inside job. And I recently did one of my painting reels with this topic. I started doing these reels on Instagram for my art account, where. I'm painting and I have it kind of in FA well, not kind of, it is in fast motion. And then I overlay a little story on top and I got the idea. I saw somebody else doing something similar and I love talking. I love talking about personal development. I love talking about just like anything really. And I thought what a cool idea to be able to send a message, but then do it visually with my art. And they've actually been going over really well. And I'm super excited about that because it is something that I really enjoy doing. And this is part of the topic today. About where happiness is cultivated. And I really enjoy doing them. I enjoy the creating of the art. I enjoy putting together the real I enjoy doing the voiceover. I love it all. And so I am just going to keep doing it anyways. One of the topics I did last week was happiness is, and I think I've written, I wrote happiness is an inside game, which I believe that it should have said happiness is an inside job, but whatever. And I wanted to explore that topic more here, because obviously in the reels, you only get 90 seconds to talk, which for me is very difficult. So I wanted to just go even deeper and further into that topic here on the podcast, because, I life is too short. To live it unhappy. Like, I look at my life and I see all the ups and downs and all the things. And I look at how much time I wasted, how much time and energy I wasted. On trying to force things that just really weren't making me happy anyways, or how much time and energy I wasted. Worrying or trying to do things specific things. To make me happy and only to discover that it was never going to work to begin with. And so I want to unpack some of that today. And I don't, as you always, I don't have any real notes or anything, I'm just going to kind of start talking about it. And let's, let's just start with the things that I've done in my life to try and create happiness. Only to discover that it really didn't work. And let's just start with, relationships first. There definitely are. There are things in life that can bring us. Like a temporary happiness or make us feel happy. And that, definitely can be relationships and other people when I'm with my kids, I'm happy, my kids, but all my, almost all my kids have moved out. We still have one at home. And it makes me really happy when we're all home together. That absolutely creates some happiness for me, but it doesn't necessarily last. It's not like when they leave, I'm happy forever when they leave. I get sad again sometimes. Right. And, and so there are different people that can bring us that satisfaction or that feeling of joy. But it's not that, that lasting internal feeling of happiness. And so. Follow me here. If you're not following, just continue to keep following me. I promise you I'll pull this all together. At some point. And so the definitely there have been relationships that I have tried to hang on to, because I felt like being with the person was the answer to my happiness was that I was happy. I was going to be happy, happier in my life. If this person was in it. And that's not just even romantic relationships, it's friendships, it's all kinds of different things. Work relationships. And I have discovered that it doesn't, that doesn't work. There is a temporary piece to it, and it absolutely is nice to be around certain people, but it's not the answer. It's not the thing. That's going to actually create lasting fulfillment and what I'm talking about. Happinesses and Inside job. I don't even necessarily mean like just the feeling of happiness. It's that feeling of fulfillment and contentment, you know, it's that feeling of like gratitude and like, I'm good. I feel good about my life like that. That it's almost like I wanted to just say internal flame. I don't know if that's the right wording, but it's like that. W what keeps that, that light on in your heart? And, and so there are things external from us that can definitely sort of, what do you say, fan the fan, the flame. But they're not the things that keep the flame going is what I'm trying to get at. And so relationships. Absolutely. I have. Definitely had the wrong relationships in my life over the years. That I thought were going to bring me happiness and they never, they never did. And then, you just realize that that person was actually ended up being a jerk and cause more pain or whatever, like there's that. The other thing. That I have felt in my life that was going to create. My happiness was success in my work. It's like, if I can just get to the top of the company, if I can just get the promotion, if I can just get the bigger paycheck, if I can just get the status, if I can just get, you know, the, the, the bigger house and the, and that status thing, whether it's work or life, that that will make me happy. That's going to be the thing that's going to, fulfill all my dreams. And I'm just going to wake up every morning and feel like life is wonderful. And as somebody who has been in different careers and has had some, fairly great success in my careers, I have been to the top of, I was at the top of my network marketing company. And as great as it was when that happened and, the temporary joy and happiness that I felt when I, received that promotion. And I was, in that space, It wasn't, there were still lots of things that were going on in my life that, that were, I wasn't happy. Like there was still lots of things going on. It wasn't like achieving that status, erased all my problems. And now I was waking up every morning fulfilled. Right. And so I've learned that it's not about having more or being more, that's going to create happiness. And that, that leads into the next one, which is money. You know, we all feel like money is going to bring us more happiness. And this is something I've worked with with my son. Who's 22. He gets really anxious around money. We've had some. Interesting money stories in our lives, where we've lost a lot of things and we've had to rebuild things and, and, my kids have had to experience that. And I believe that's kind of created this a bit of money anxiety with my son. And I see that in him. And I'm, I'm, because of the lessons that I've learned around money, because I've been through some highs and lows when it comes to money. At the top of my career, my network marketing career, there were 20,$25,000 a month. Paychecks coming in. At the low of my whole life, there was like hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt and no way to pay for it, so I've been on the extremes of money. And that's why I can fully, in my core say to you that money doesn't bring that lasting fulfillment and happiness. It can bring temporary joy and happiness because you can pay bills and that feels good. You can buy things and that feels good. You can go on trips and that feels good. But it's, it's not that last, it doesn't, it fans the flame, but it doesn't keep the flame going because there are a lot of people out there who have lots of money who are miserable, who constantly are complaining, who are not. Happy people. And so, and money can create more, just as many problems as it can solve. And so, I'm constantly trying to remind my son that it's great to have it for sure, because it definitely is, it makes life easier. But it's not, it's not going to create that internal fulfillment. And I read a book by. Oh, geez. I need to find his name. Let me just find his name. It's cold. The illusion. I don't know why this is what happens in perimenopause. You, your brain is like Swiss cheese and you lose pieces of your memory. The illusion of money is the book. By Kyle cease. So I read this book and it's called the illusion of money by Kyle sees. It is, it was so good. It was such a good book because he has this statement and this is the one piece. Out of the hole. I mean, the whole book is amazing, but this one. There's one piece that he said in the book just really resonated with me. He used this analogy of like sitting on a park bench. With apps, like no home, no clue. Like no, nothing like just the shirt on your back kind of thing. If you can find. Joy happiness, fulfillment gratitude. When you have nothing. That's when you've truly wanted the game of life. And when he said that, I was just like, That is, there's so much truth to that because. It's like we think these external things. Our what creates our happiness. But if you can literally be, if you can literally have nothing and trust me, there have been days. I mean, I wouldn't say have nothing. I've always had a roof over my head. We've always had food on the table. Like it's, I realized there's some definite there's a scale of what having nothing means for different people. But at the end of the day, that feeling of despair of having, you know, and not having enough. Is is real. But if you can look outside and be grateful that you're alive, that you're breathing, that the sun is shining, that your kids are healthy. That you're alive, that you know, have a roof over your head or have food on the table, even when you have crippling debt and all of these things going on, maybe your house is being taken away or whatever, but you can still find. That inner. Feeling of gratitude and just general fulfillment. That is when you've truly one. Like that's when you can, then it doesn't matter. Like you went, like, that's the thing. I feel like I've been through some crazy things with money. That I it's like it. Could it get worse maybe, but I know I can get through it and it doesn't, it's not as. Crazy for me too. It's not as worrisome for me. It's not as Scary for me to have something happen financially. Because I've been in that space before and I knew I could get through it and it didn't kill me. And I'm good. And, And I was still able to find joy and happiness in my life, even when that was happening. And that's truly a way to a path to fulfillment is just being happy. Even if you don't have the things, even if you don't have the money, even if you don't. Have the relationship or whatever is just truly like just being grateful for your life. And that is where you can cultivate happiness. And I was going to say the next thing on my list that I've learned that doesn't bring happiness is buying things, which is kind of in alignment with the money. I've bought things in my life. I'm somebody who I will say, I think this is part of like being ADHD. I think there's a dopamine hit that comes when we buy things. When we purchase things. And especially with the birth of Amazon, it's like a little bit of dopamine every time you placed the order. And then the box comes on your step and. There I am somebody who was like, oh, if I have that handbag, then I'll be happy. Oh, if I have those shoes in, that outfit for this thing, I'm going to, then I'll be happy, then it'll be good. And that doesn't work either. I've I went out and purchased a designer handbag. Thinking that is something that I needed to have as part of my, showing that my businesses successful and that I'm successful. And every time I picked up that bag, as much as I, it was pretty, I loved it. It was functional. I love that too. But every time I picked up that bag, I just, there was a feeling around it that I, there was like an EQ feeling around it. And every time I took it out, I felt. A little bit like an imposter and like, it just didn't feel right. It was just like, and I have nothing against. Expensive handbags. If you can afford an expensive handbag and that's your deal like for you all about more power to you. I knew I was in a point where I really couldn't afford that. I mean, sure. I bought it and that was fine, but that money could have gone 1,000,001 other places. And I just thought that if I had this, then I was, I deserved it. I earned it. Like I should have this. And I was actually in a coaching program at that time. That was. Promoting that message to their people. Like you, you need to step into that higher version of yourself. And I thought this was me doing that and that there was going to be some level of happiness and fulfillment that came with that. And it didn't, it was just full of emptiness and gross. And I ended up selling it cause I was just like, I don't even want this anymore. And it's just it. And it just became another bag that sat on my floor with the other bags. And so I know that buying things. Is not, there was a temporary joy that when it showed up, it was cool and everything, but it didn't last. It's not, I'm not saying that you can't buy things because buying things is wrong or icky. You can absolutely buy things and they can bring you that temporary joy, but they are not going to fulfill something deep in your soul. That is an inside game. That is an inside job. That is a choice. And I know that it's hard to make that choice. A lot of days, it can be really hard to make that choice. Especially because people have things happen in their lives. That aren't great. That are sad, that are not fun. And those days are hard. Those days you don't wake up feeling joyful. You don't wake up. And even though happiness is a choice, it's not an easy choice to make. But it doesn't mean that you have to live there forever and that you can work on. Finding the some gratitude. Finding some little things in your life. And that are, are happy. Maybe it's the birds that you're seeing in your bird feeder, maybe, it's the sun shining that day. And I find gratitude is that pathway to that inner fulfillment is just being grateful for the, even the smallest things in your life can help flip around that. Potentially thing that might be going on in your life, that situation, whether it's the money thing like we went through, or maybe it's a relationship thing, or maybe it's a debt thing or whatever. That if you can just separate it from your inner fulfillment, it's an external event that's happening. It's not disregarding what's happening, but it doesn't define. Your life. It doesn't define your, your inner happiness and fulfillment. It doesn't create it. Doesn't put out the flame and it doesn't create the flame. The flame is yours. It's there. It's up to you. Two. Tend to it and make sure that it's constantly going. And I don't know where the frig, that analogy came from. I just completely made that up. It seems to work. But it is something that is just, you have to work on it daily. You have to work on it. By the minute for some people as a perimenopausal woman that wakes up most mornings feeling super anxious, super irritated. Super like, I don't want to talk to anyone. I have to dig deep. And. Work on keeping my flame going. So that I don't fall into a depression or that I don't fall into a really horrible day because I'm choosing to, fester in my anxiety and my mood. I have to recognize that that's there. It's not about discounting it at all. I have to recognize that it's there, but then I have to ask myself, do I want my whole day to be like this? Listen, Shayna, you got a cup of coffee in your hand. You got lots of clients. You've got some work to do today. You've got your kids are healthy. The sun is shining. It's going to be a good day. Just take a deep breath, maybe do a little meditation. Take your vitamins, have a nice healthy breakfast. Do some exercise and choose to make it a good day. And that's the kind of mental work that I have to do right now in my life on a daily, sometimes hourly basis just to get through. But that's where it's a choice for me to either. Fester in what's going on externally or deciding that I'm going to make my happiness a priority and do what I need to do. Two. To keep it going. And, and I think it's just so important that we talk about this because it's so easy to get stuck in feeling like that your happiness is something external from you and chasing it. And I've spent a lifetime chasing happiness, trying to, hang out with the right people, have the right clothes, have the right job, do the right thing because all of those external things were going to bring me that joy and fulfillment. And let me tell you as somebody who has done all of that stuff, and now I'm in a place where, I don't have status in my careers at all. Money-wise, we're better, but it's not like our problems are solved. My husband and I we've been married for 15 years. We have a great relationship, but there are some bumps in the road for sure. Like there's things that are happening. But I'm not going to let those things define whether I feel happy in my life or not. I fucking love my life right now. I've got three amazing children. I've got a solid relationship. I've got a roof over my head. I've got, options in my careers to do different things. I have opportunity out of the, wazoo because of the internet there's so many things that I'm happy and excited about my life, regardless of what. External factors are going on. And that is because I've learned how to not let those things define my happiness and fulfillment in my life. And to just. Just be loose and free and just decide that I'm going to be happy and let the things happen. And you know what the crazy thing is is my days and hours and years spent trying to force and create this. Thing that I thought was going to bring me this happiness. Is it, I'm at a spot where I'm not doing any of that chasing. I'm not doing any of that forcing. I'm not doing any, I'm just doing what feels good to me in a day. Like I like to paint. So I'm painting. I like to film my painting. So I'm doing that. I like to do these little reels. I like to work with my clients. I'm doing these done for your services. We're doing these paint nights, which is also fun and fulfilling. We're just like. More in a relaxed place flying by the seat of her pants, doing the things that we love, not putting so much pressure on ourselves to do all of this external stuff, to try and quote unquote, make happiness. And things are working. Things are happening. So crazy that when you let go and you release that, that control, you release that pressure to try and make your life happy and just be happy and re relax and let go of the forcing. That things magical things that you wouldn't even expect in your life. Because you're in an, an allowing state. And I believe that being in that state of allowing. And not searching so much and not putting so much pressure on yourself. Is truly where if you can get to that place and B look around and regardless of what's happening and feel that fulfillment and joy for your life. That it that's where you get rewarded for that. I don't know how else to describe it. And that's how it feels to me. And I hate that it's taken me almost 50 years to figure this out, but I had to go through those things in my life in order to get here. It's just the way that it is. It's just the way that I've had to do it. Not that to say that you need to be, you have to go 50 years in your life in order to find that. But I do believe we all have journeys. And you've got to, you're going to keep going through things until you get it. And once you get it, then you get it and then you move into the next phase of your life. And sure. There'll be more struggles. There'll be more things. We all have struggles. I got struggles. You've got struggles. We all got struggles, but we don't have to let those struggles define us. And don't let those struggles to find your happiness and fulfillment in life. And that's the real, the game. When I say happiness is an inside game. Or inside job, that's the work. That's the game we play is every day. Is, am I going to let this, am I going to let this situation? Take over my, my life and career, cause all this grief. Or am I going to know that it's there deal with it, but I'm still going to be happy regardless. I'm still going to find joy in my life regardless. That's the game that we're constantly playing. And I think when you have the awareness that it is something that you have the control over, because I think a lot of people are going on autopilot and they don't know, and they just wake up every day and they're just in this. This ugly place and they can't get out of it because they don't realize that they actually have the lever. They have the control. And it's up to them to do the work on the daily, hourly minutely basis. Of choosing to find the good in the situation. And not every situation has good things in it. But it's finding the good just in your day to day life. Just the fact that you're breathing, if it comes down to that and that's where you need to start. That is one place to start. And then you, what's the next thing you agree before, and I'm telling you, if you are feeling really, really not great. One talk to somebody, always, always, always talk to somebody. You, you, you think you're alone in what you're going through. I guarantee you, if you open up and talk to somebody, they know somebody or going through it themselves, or know 10 other people who are going through it, like. Talking things out helps release that. That internal sort of. Feeling of, of when we're going through something. Talk to people get support. Literally right. And list of gratitude. Gratitude is one of the highest energies out there. And when you can list a it's an emotion, gratitude is an emotion it's on the top of the scale of emotions. When you can con consistently list all the things that you're grateful for and keep going, keep going, keep going until you start to feel that shift in your heart. You will feel it, it will happen. And if it doesn't happen for after item number three, four or five, it will happen at some point, but just keep feeling that gratitude and keep thinking about the things you're grateful for. And you will turn those frowns upside down. I swear that it is a great way to help shift your energy. If you're not feeling. So great. And sometimes in the morning when I wake up and I'm not feeling so great. I I'll just rhyme off a few things that I'm grateful for. Before I even get out of bed just to help shift the mood. And then I like to move my body. Exercise is also a great way to shift things. Eating healthy, having conversations, talking to people, those are all great ways to move through. These external pieces of crap that are going on in our lives in order to work through them and get back to being fulfilled and happy. And also another thing you can do is spend time doing the things that you love when I was at my. Low point a couple of years ago in my career. I started painting because it's something I love to do. And I wanted something for myself and I needed something for myself and I started painting simply out of sheer joy. And just continue to keep doing it. And that's something that is starting to open up and evolve in my life and really awesome ways that I would never, in a million years I've said I would be doing. And that's that piece of, of doing something that brings you joy, letting go of control and just having fun. That's the thing that keeps that flame. Your inner flame going. So make time for that make time for that in your life. I promise you that will definitely make a shift. If you're a D if you're going through something. So. That's really what I wanted to share today. I couldn't do that in a 92nd reel, but I can definitely. Jabber on about it here on the podcast. So I hope that this hits in the best of ways for you today. And just know if you are struggling, if you are going through something you're not alone. Somebody else has been through it, gotten to the other side. So talk to people you never know, just who's there that can help you, that can support you. Even just talking out your feelings just makes such a difference. So don't be shy. Don't be afraid. There's so many people in this world that, have experience and want to help. Just to be an ear just to, for you to just talk it out sometimes just saying the words, just get it out of your system. Yeah. That's it. That's all I wanted to say. Hope you guys are doing well. If you want to check out my art reels, come over to my art account. Shannon wrecker underscore art and there's little 92nd clips. Starting to incorporate these things that I've learned in my life, this stuff that I've been through comparing it with some art and having some fun with that. Check it out, but if this was helpful for you, please let me know. My Instagram DMS are always open. I love to hear from you. I hope you guys are all doing well. We'll talk to you soon. Bye. For now.