What happens when you stop trying to control everything.

Today I share how I'm learning (emphases on the ING) how by letting go of trying to control everything and embracing change actually makes life easier. I'd say it's one of the benefits of aging for sure. The older we get the less we care so much about shit.
In this episode I talk about ditching overthinking and trusting your instincts more, about opening up to outcomes outside of your expectations.

Join me for a real, no-bs conversation about  surrendering to life's flow.

Want me to share my NWM story and my thoughts on the industry? Drop a message into my inbox here: @iamshanarecker. Or if you have any other topic you want me to talk about. 

Transcript

Shana: 0:00

Hey guys, welcome back to how it's really going machine a wrecker. Today. I want to share something that I have been reflecting on a little bit in my life. I was struggling with what to call this episode. But to be honest, it's really about. How I'm noticing. As I get older. I'm overthinking. Less, I'm going to say that feels like a really strong statement. To say that I overthink less because I definitely am a chronic over-thinker. But I think. Part of this getting older piece that, we talk about all the things that suck about getting older. But there's also some things that are also really good about getting older and one of them that I'm really starting to notice. Is I'm overthinking less worrying, less. Trusting a bit more, I would say in myself, and this is what I want to talk about because. There's a few things that I want to share about this and that I'm noticing. Because as you guys, if you've listened to this podcast and especially in the last six months to a year, you know, that I've made some really big life changes. And I've, left careers started new careers, shifted careers, I've done all kinds of things. Work-wise. I have teenagers that now are adults, young adults who are moving out. So I'm almost an empty nester. There's just been some big life things going on. And then when I reflect back. Throughout my whole life. I think, obviously we always, there's always changes and things happening. I mean, change is inevitable. It's always going to be part of life. But I think back to some of the big things that I went through, when I was in my twenties going to university and college and things like that when I was in my thirties, having kids and then getting married, but then getting a divorce and then, getting remarried and those kinds of things, like there's been a lot of, big things that have happened, taking jobs in other cities and then coming back home and leaving those jobs. Like there's been lots of things that have happened in my life. And. If I were to go back to those times, I am certain, I crazily worried about things. That, I didn't have control over and, before making big decisions to reform, doing all those before doing any of those things, I'm sure that I over-thought things a million times over and worried about things a million times over. And, there's just that constant sort of anxiety. Oh, in my life of wondering, like, what's going to happen. All of that kind of stuff. You get what I'm saying? And so I have been reflecting on some things that are happening in my world right now. And I'm like noticing that I'm not as. Anxious or overwhelmed by some of the even, and some of them are like big things that are happening, but I have not noticing the same level of anxiety. And the same level of overthinking and the same level of worry. About those things. And the only thing I can attribute it to is just me be just getting older and. Maybe just feeling like I can trust that things are going to work out more. It's funny because I, I wrote down this one statement. Before recording this. Someone said this to me once and I don't know who said it or where it came from. So I. I don't know who to give credit to for this, but it was like the saying was like something like you've overcome a hundred percent of the challenges that you faced to date. What makes you think you're not going to overcome the next thing. And it's true.. I think even regardless of how things turned out in my life, when I made big changes, right. Wrong, good, bad. Happened the way I wanted to, or maybe didn't I still survive them. I still, whatever outcome it ha that happened. I'm still here and I'm still going. And remembering that when it comes to things happening in your life, Are big changes you want to make in your life. And having that trust in yourself to know that whatever. Whatever choices you make. You're going to figure it out. I don't know that when I was younger that I trusted that I would figure things out, which is probably why I worried a lot, which is probably why I had anxiety or over-thought decisions and things like that. I don't know if now I just. I've just done it so many times now, but it actually is like sunk in that. Hey, don't worry. You'll figure this out. I feel like it's probably that, but who knows, maybe hormonally as we get older, one of the benefits, not everything's negative is that we do become wiser and we do. Tend to stress less about the stuff that happens in life. And I think about that when I think about, people in their seventies, eighties, nineties, who just are, they're always the wisest ones, they're always the ones telling us, stop worrying about what other people think don't do this, don't do that. Like it's not worth it. It's not worth the time or the energy lost, And they can do that and say that because they've just become wise in their old age to be able to look back and see how much things didn't really matter to them. As much as we thought they did. And, it's funny because for me right now, when I made the decision to leave coaching, I wasn't really sure what I was going to do. I took a job at the hair salon at the working the front desk, because it was something I knew I could do right away. And it was something that. I knew would pay me right away. And it was just something for me to do while I was figuring out what the heck I was going to do. Even though that was really scary for me, because I had never done that job before, I was also worried a little bit about, what were people going to think? Do people think I failed, and to be honest, like that stuff bothered me and I worried about it a little bit, but it wasn't enough to make me, not take the job or not go forward with it. And then. Even when I started, I was like, it was really hard. Like that job is not an easy job. Let me tell you, especially the salon that I'm at, there's like 12 or 15, actually. I think there's maybe more than that. Like almost 20 stylists. And you're answering the phone and managing appointments for 20 different people at any given time. So it was busy. It was a lot, but I learned it. I figured it out. Someone was showing me. Sure. Did I make mistakes? Did I screw things up every once in a while? Did I. Absolutely. I did. We're human, but we, but I figured it out and, now I go to work and I love it. And it's second nature. I'm sure I still make mistakes and things like that, I love the job and I feel super comfortable there. And I feel like it's just a part of who I am now. But in that moment of, do I take the job? Don't I take the job, overthinking all the things, worrying about if it's right for me worrying about if I'm going to be any good at worrying, all of those things. And it's Dude, if you can just trust the process and just, let it unfold and trust that you'll figure it out. And, and that mentality can take us. To some really amazing places if we let it and the example of the salon, I've met some really great people. Some that ever come becoming close friends with. It's really changed my outlook on life. I get to meet people. I'm saying, I'm meeting, I'm starting to see some of the same people come and go from the salon. So I'm getting to know people. It's a lot of fun. It's very social and it's for me. It's that mid I work on Wednesdays. I enjoy that one day. I look forward to that day. And it gives me that little bit of something that I don't get from working at home by myself doing websites. You know what I mean? So, there's something in that, and I had to just trust that it would, it was right for me and I had to trust that it, I would figure it out and I had to trust that if it wasn't right for me, I would know. And I would be able to make the next choice. That's, that's something that when we get that, when we can really let that sink in. It can be life-changing. It really can because. there have been things that I have taken a step into in the past. Six months. That I had no idea were going to, I didn't no idea how they were going to turn out, and because I was able to. Take the step, because I said to myself, Shana, you figured out everything else in your life. Up until this point, you can figure this out too. I did them and figured it out,, and that was paint nights, starting the pain nights at our studio here in London. When that was suggested to me to do an abstract paint night. I was like, oh yeah I should. And I avoided it for the first little while because I was like a little bit like, I don't know what to do. I don't know if I have the right space. I'm not sure what the, to be honest, it was a little overwhelming for me to think about all the things that I would need to do to put one on. And I just wasn't in a space at that time to really let it sink in. That was when I was just starting at the salon. Like there was a lot going on in my life. it was probably about a month later, I decided to give it a shot. I was at the studio painting and I just said, Jason, I were talking about it. And I said, Maybe we should try doing this paint night thing. We could see what happens and give it a shot. And I just went on to Instagram stories and I just said, Hey guys, I'm going to be hosting a paint night. I'm going to teach you abstract art, yada yada yada. And I have space for, I think at the time I said 12 people. And I had people wanting spots, like within a matter of seconds of me doing that video. And I'm no word of a lie. By the end of the very next day, we had sold all 12 spots and here I was, I'd never hosted one before. I wasn't even sure exactly how I was going to do this. But I had people who wanted to do it. So, here we go, one foot in front of the other. And I just started. Mentally seeing how I would want this to play out. And I got the supplies and I did the things. And we had an amazing first paint night and we ended up having 11 people there. Which was perfect because,. But but I figured it out. I figured it out that's the thing is you have to trust. That you will figure it out if it feels right to you. And this is the thing with the paint nights. Even though when it was first brought to my attention to do it, I was like putting it off. That was more out of fear because I really didn't know how to do one. it was a little overwhelming, but the idea kept. Percolating in my head. And I kept thinking about it. I kept thinking about it and I feel like that's how you know, something is for you is that if you can't stop thinking about it in a positive way, And. I did it and I just figured it out. And here we are, we've hosted probably 10 or 15 paint nights since then. We're now starting to get corporate events. So this is the other thing I've had somebody messaged me this past week. Wanting 20 people for a corporate event. My max is 10. Cause that's how much room we have in the studio for the tables. And Jason's like, we can run some tables, like we can figure it out and I'm like, you're right. We can. He's like just say yes, we can do it. Give them the quote. And if they say yes and they want to move forward, trust that we'll figure it out. We'll just, we'll make it work. And so that's what we did. And, I haven't heard yay or nay on that one yet, but I trust the fact that if they say yes, we will figure it out. And this is the thing, I think when you get, as we get older, Or, I don't know, maybe more people are like this and it's just taking me a long time to get here. But. I just feel like I'm just at this point in my life where I want to follow the things, I feel good and trust that if it feels good and it feels right for me, that it's meant for me. And then if I say yes, I will figure it out. Whether it be taking a job at the hair salon, doing paint nights, changing careers, like whatever it is. Trust in those feelings, especially if they are feelings that continue to come up for you. I'm not saying, make rash decisions on a whim or on a feeling that pops up once. If you've got something that you've been wanting to do in your life, but you haven't done it and it keeps coming up for you. What is the worst that could happen and I'm going to say, do you trust yourself to figure it out? You're probably going to say no, but I'm going to say trust yourself and trust that you'll figure it out., what's the worst that's going to happen. That's just what I wanted to say is that, how many opportunities are missed by people because they're overthinking and super worried that if they do, X something bad's going to happen. And, I was listening to a podcast back when I was super into personal development and I forgot what I was listening to. It was like a motivational video or something on YouTube. But this one statement has always stayed with me and it was that. Trusting that if you take a step and fail. That failure is still. How do I say this? That, that, that step into that step that you took, that feels like a failure is still actually a success. Because that failure actually moved you into this new space. And there was something else that needed that had to happen so that you could get to the next thing that basically that failure isn't failure. It's just, it's still a movement forward. And sometimes things look like failure because it, because you expected the outcome to be different. But because you took the move, and something different happened. It doesn't mean it's a failure. It means that needed to happen to move you to this next thing, because this next thing is more for you than what you thought you wanted. That was a really long way for me to say what he said, actually in two seconds. And I just can't remember exactly how he said it. But, that resonates with me all like that. That is in my mind. Often when something happens and I don't get the expectation, the expected result that I want. That instead of it being bad or a failure or wrong that it was just what needed to happen in order to move me to the next place where my neck, the next thing was waiting for me. Me leaving coaching. No idea what I was going to do after I did that, I started offering myself out to do done for you services. Cause my skillset is graphic design, Kajabi websites., I'm very technically savvy. So why not put myself out there that way? And I ended up with a first client and then the second client and a third client. And now I've got six clients that I'm working with consistently. And I literally have a full-time home-based business, helping people doing their websites, their graphic design, and they're the backend, the tech side of their business. And I really love it. So, I don't know. I didn't know what I was doing when I put myself out there to do done for you services. I was just like, let's see what happens. And I know I'll figure it out. I'm still figuring it out. To be totally honest. I'm still figuring it out. Every day that I immersed myself in this. I get better and better, and I figure out more and more. And if you are. Holding back on something in your life because you feel like you don't. Have all the answers and that. If you take that move without all the answers, you're not going to be able to figure it out and you're not going to get the results that you want. Let the outcome unfold as it needs to your controlling outcome and expecting a certain result. Is that's what's creating that resistance or creating that fear and creating that anxiety in that. Overthinking is because. You are only open to that one outcome. Let go and let be open to whatever happens, good or bad, and know that it's moving you in a direction that you need to go. If you would've said to me a year ago that I'd be hosting these abstract paint nights and I'd have, 10, 12 people a night coming and enjoying it and I was going to enjoy it and it was going to be this whole thing. I would have been like, No, you're crazy. That's not bling, like I would never have been able to predict that I would never have been able to predict the outcome of even the first one. My expectations were completely open for that. And that's, I believe that's why that worked so well for me, because I just was like, I'm going to just try this. I'm going to see what happens. I'm going to do it. I'll get some feedback. If something needs to change, we'll fix it and we'll try it again. Being able to do that is huge. And that's what I've learned. It's like I look back at all the times. That I made changes in my life and how much I was trying to control everything. To be a certain way. I just know at this stage of my life, I don't have the energy. Or the Headspace. Or the hormones to control everything that's going on in my life, because it's exhausting. It's literally exhausting. There's a point in time where you just have to. Release and let go and let things just be now even money. Money is one of those things that I used to. Really stress about. I'm talking like. Like. Freaking out panicking having anxiety attacks and overthinking and in scarcity mode and trying to fix, fix, fix, fix, fix everything, and trying to control it all. I look back at that now and I think. Man, what an. Uptight. Crazy person. I was. like my situation now, is it any better? I mean maybe yes, probably a little better now, but not by much. And now it's like we get sometimes into the same spots we were in, when I was a crazy person and I'm just like, I just trust it's going to work out. And it always fucking does always. Not always the way that I think it's going to not always the way that I'm trying to control it too. But there are things that when you can let go and be open. And not try and grip so tightly to an outcome or to try and fix something or try and make something happen. It leaves room for like these crazy awesome things to pop into your world. Like. There have been times where I've been really close to, something not being able to go through on a credit card or trying to make a payment for something and instead of being all scarcity, weird, crazy person. I'm just like, we'll just figure it out. If it doesn't happen before, then I'll have to, I'll have to do something? And I I'll just, there's no sense I'm freaking out about it now. I might as well wait till we get to that point and then I'll figure out the next step. And honestly, Every single time either a new client comes through or a new job comes through or like from a client or something comes through from, there's multiple different things that can happen. And every single time it's always been taken care of. And so I just don't seem to have that same kind of stress level over those things anymore, because I'm just at a point now where I'm just seeing okay, yeah. This stuff always seems to work out. So don't get weird about it. Just go with the flow. And I think that's the whole point of this message is, if we can stop trying to control outcomes and trying to fix everything and just more go with the flow. We're going to find that life is going to be a lot easier for us. And I think as I'm getting older to circle back to why is this happening for me now? I think as we get older, we don't have the time that we don't have the energy. To try and control and force outcomes in our lives anymore. And we don't give a shit, we don't care so much about what people think we don't. This is why, that last podcast episode I did, I was talking about my weight. And how, I used to really struggle with weight and not that I struggled so much with weight, but in my mind, I struggled with weight. And I was trying to constantly, Be a certain way. And, just, it was just like this weird battle in my head. And I just, I'm starting to get to this place where I'm kinda like, I don't seem to care so much about that anymore. Like I care or I want to be healthy, but. I don't, I'm not in this like panic about my jeans being a little bit tighter or having to get a different size or, sure. It's there. I think about it, but it's not to the same degree that it used to be. And I didn't do any kind of. Mindset work on that or anything like that. I just just don't care anymore. I just don't. I don't care to the same degree that I used to. And I think that comes with getting older, because to be honest, like we have so many things going on as we enter into menopause. That some things just have to, you just have to let go of some things, because there's just too much. There's literally just too much. And. I think that's what happens. We get older and it's just R values change our values change. The things that we care about, change the things that we don't care about. Change. I value sleep so much. So much. That, I am not somebody who's going out every weekend. I have to really have to think about, if we're going out on a, on a Saturday night, is it worth losing a day of sleep the next day? Is it worth having a shitty night's sleep? Like I have to really weigh out., how much am I going to have to drink that night? How late are we going to be out? And when do I want to come home and like, Not trying to say that I overthink those things, but I just value certain things in my life so much more than wanting to stay out and be the life of the party the whole night to not miss out on anything? And I think again, that's just comes with getting older. I that's, the only thing I can think of that's changed I'm just getting older and I just don't have the same time and energy to spend on overthinking And. getting to, worried about what the results are going to be. And I have so much proof in my life. That things will work out, however it needs to work out and that I'm going to be okay. That is just what I trust now. And I believe that if I say yes to. Whatever it is, whether it's a job or this corporate event with 20 people who want to do a paint night., I will figure it out. And if I don't and it sucks. And then I'll learn a lesson and I won't do it again. Or I'll switch something up and we'll make it better. we'll make it, we'll make it work. But I think that. we just have to. Just give ourselves space. To allow things to happen for us. And I know as somebody who I am definitely been a control freak in my life, I've definitely tried to control outcomes. And I know that the harder that I try to control an outcome, the worse it is for me and the outcome. And. I was in network marketing for almost, solidly working in network marketing business for seven years. And that when I actually am just, this is just coming into my brain, as I'm speaking right now, that whole business for seven years was me forcing an outcome every single month, every single month, forcing. A certain amount of sales, forcing, outcomes within my team, trying to create a certain amount of dollar sales, trying to create certain amount of orders. Trying to force force force force force. It's that industry is definitely built on. Cultivating people to cultivate outcomes and it is. It's almost. Yeah, this is a whole other podcast. It's almost it's detrimental to your mental health. I will say that for sure. And I'm so glad I don't, I'm not in that industry anymore. Because even though. I made a lot of money in that industry. And I appreciate that. What I lost was a lot of mental health. It's that makes sense. There's a things that just, yeah. That's a podcast for another day. If you want to hear a podcast on network marketing, let me know. I will happily record my network marketing experience for y'all. If you'd like to hear that story, just let me know, drop me a DM in my Instagram. I am Shana. Recker. And just, even if you just dropped the word network marketing, I will be happy to record an episode on that. But yeah. I just think that whole time in my life was me forcing outcomes and trying to create something that was just built off. The wrong energy. The wrong energy from day one. And which is why it ultimately imploded because, it's, that's something you can't sustain. You can't sustain that further your entire life. It would just, it would burn you out. So bad. And I think that's exactly what was going on in my coaching business too. With social media and having to show up all the time. And, if you're not showing up on social media, how are you going to find your clients and all these things? And I was trying to control an outcome, trying to control something to be a certain way. And it was exhausting. And it absolutely lead me to burnout. And I wasn't able to just let go and let it be because I needed to make money. I needed to pay my bills. I needed things to go a certain way I needed so many people to sign up so that I could count on this and that, and it was just. Again, not a, healthy relationship with trying to control outcomes. And I think that's why when I let go. Of everything. Like when I let go of the coaching business, even when I let go of network marketing. When I let go of the coaching business specifically, because that just is my most recent one. I let go. And I started that job of the salon and that worked out beautifully because I let go and I just let it happen. I started doing the paint nights because I just let go and let it happen. And we're having so much fun with them. I started doing done for you services cause I let go. And I just thought, well, I'll just throw this out there and see what happens. And literally, I have. I have, I can't even take on a new client right now, cause I'm totally booked. And I love the work and, it's just working because I'm not trying to control it. It's just happening. I'm just letting it flow. And I think. That is the major point that I'm trying to make here. So, if you want to. Change something in your life. If you're feeling like you need to move in a new direction or you're, you're thinking about starting something or, many people message me on my art account. They Shana Recker underscore art. My Instagram. Who are like, oh, I've always wanted to paint. And I used to do it when I was a kid. I just wish I had more time for it. I'm here to tell you, make time for it, like open yourself up to something that brings you joy and happiness. Because to be honest, that was another thing that I just opened myself up to when I was really stressed with my coaching business just before I quit. I said to my husband, I'm like, I need something outside of this business to just give me some, to give me a break. From constantly trying to market myself. And I said, I just want one day a week where I can paint. And I started painting at my dining room table. And that's what led to me. And I started, I created an Instagram account just because it was fun. And I was like, oh, I'll just show what I'm doing here and see what happens. And it turned into people wanting to purchase art, which turned into me creating Shana Recker art.com, which turned into me spending more and more time in the studio painting, which led to the paint nights and so-and-so. And so you see what I'm saying? It's letting the nudges that you are feeling called to move towards guide you. And here's the thing. I've had nudges my, I had a nudge to join a network marketing team and have that business. And did it Sure. Was it super successful?, financially for me, it was. Was it something that I could do for my entire life? No, but I follow that nudge. I got something out of it. It led me to the next thing, which led me to the next thing, which lately, this is what I'm saying. You've got to trust that the things that. Whether they're working out for you and then maybe they stop working for you or they work. They don't work for you at all. You're still taking a step in a direction that's leading you to the next step. So nothing is a quote-unquote failure. It's just another, it's just another step. It's just another direction you're moving into. And if we can let go and trust. That these things are moving us to what we're I believe meant to do on this planet. I believe we all have a purpose. Then the only way you're going to get there is if you can let go and allow it to happen and don't put these crazy expectations. On results for yourself. Like don't don't. Box yourself in to a specific result. And if it doesn't happen, You know, you're a failure and whatever, if it doesn't happen. What's the next thing. What's the next thing. Right? And that's. That's all. I'm really trying to say. That's all I got. I just really thought that was something that needed to be said. And. I said it. So there you go. That's it. That's all I have to say. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. If you are somebody who resonated with us at all and you want to have a conversation about it. You guys know where to find me on Instagram. It's also in my show notes. And I love being back here with you guys. I hope that you're loving it too. I love these little conversations. Who knows what's going to be next. If there's something you want me to talk about, like I said, if you want me to talk about my network marketing experience, I'm happy to do that. If you want me to talk about something else? I'm all yours. All right, everyone. That's it for me until next time. Bye for now.